Sunday, April 29, 2007

Red Army Blues

As military graves are removed from a Tallinn bus station to Tallinn's military grave yard, mourning youth decided to protect the honour of the Red Army by breaking windows, looting, fighting each other, looting, burning Estonian flags, looting and ... looting. Russia has officially responded that the burial of soldiers in a graveyard accordance with the Geneva convention is inhumane and blasphemous. They also criticize the police for their use of water canons and tear gas to calm down peaceful, mourning youth.

According to Russian officials, there's a long standing Sovje.. Russian tradition to bury dead under bus stations. There's a deeply rooted common belief, that this makes sure the bodies stay down. At least during rush hour traffic. "We insist that all our people be buried under bus stations. It is our right!"

A mourner puts his hope to comforting himself to a pack of condoms. "But look at my arms," he exclaimed. "Stupid windows in the shops put up by Estonian nationalists ripped up my arms!"

Indeed, most injuries on hands and heads seemed to be caused by glass. As we can see from this photo, the glass came from nasty nationalist windows that tried to hide goods that really belongs to the People. At least according to communism.

"It is our human rights to drink and smoke in the weekends," one mourner seems to say. "but they want us to buy booze and cigarettes. That's discrimination!" Soon enough, all the alcohol was taken by other looting mourners, but not everyone needs alcohol, tobacco and condoms to find comfort.
This man finds comfort in plain chocolates, soda, tampons and female hygienic pads. He's already looking forward to a splendid morning with his grateful girlfriend.

Other shop owners have to rethink their stock and marketing strategy. On display, they have a dress that nobody even cares to steal!

Rage as grave is moved

The world reacts, when Estonia decides to move a military grave and its monument from a busy bus station to a military grave yard according to the Geneva convention. Here are some of the reactions.

Russia: This is inhumane and blasphemous! How can people pay respect to the dead, if they are not buried under the bus station, so that we can feel them under our feet? They gave us only a year to think up a reaction, too, which is a direct insult. We can't pull out of Chechnya to mobilize our new invation of Estonia that fast. Not that I'm indicating any military operation, because I'm not indicating anything.

Germany urges Estonia to talk to Russia. It is important to please Russia, we (Germany) need that gas pipe through the Baltic Sea. "Don't ruin the deal for us, you ungrateful lot, you."

Norway urges Estonia and Russia to stop fighting. "Norway is the only country that borders Russia and never has had a conflict," the Norwegian Foreign Minister exclaimed. "Better do as Russia says, they are our friend. We're even working on an oil deal with them."

The UN responded by blowing soap bubbles, as always. "Loooook! Preeeettyyyy buuubbles! Looove, peeace and conciliaaation!"

USA thinks they all talk funny in Europe. In a surprise press release, however, the US Army buys out Dubbya International Airport in Baghdad to use as a mass grave for US soldiers. "Thanks for the tip," a spokesman for the DoD announced to Putin. "We'll use your idea, but make it bigger, since we'll need the acres and acres this airport gives us. And then we'll reopen the airport. It's brilliant! Integrating dead with airport will be a top tourist attraction when we have freed Iraq from Iraqis."

Russian super markets ban all Estonian commodities. "But we're not boycotting them, we just don't sell their stuff. If you want Estonian stuff, go get it yourself in Tallinn. They have open windows all over the place these days."